Open Letters to Houston Drivers
MRB Constituency:
This is the first in an ongoing series of “Open Letters to Houston Drivers.” Letters to the group of drivers that affected me most that day while tooling around in H-town, Texas.
Folks, it’s no secret that the traffic here makes us yearn for worthwhile public transportation, while the idea of new taxes makes us bitterly and unreasonably opposed to the very same thing. Today’s letter will be to Latino drivers, whose unique style of motoring seems to ignore all established rules of the road.
Dear Latino Drivers:
Really? Blue flames on a green GMC with extra-wide tires? How many overtime hours did you put in for gold-plated spoke rims? How many days did your family go hungry for that indecently massive “El Mundo es Mio” decal in your rear window? Do you honestly like DJ Piolin THAT much?
Decals aside I hate to say it Latinos/Latin Nationals/Illegals this is Houston and more specifically, America. People in America are filled with angst, rage, depression, Paxil, and most notably self-righteousness. You pull out in front us at a snail’s pace while we’re doing 45 - 50 mph in the same lane you’ve committed against humanity and our personal righteousness will not allow it!
Some practical advice, though. Houston is full of embittered, enraged traffic. Learn our ways friends. You pull out of an intersection with some unsuspecting scoundrel filled with hemorraging wrath (like myself) bearing down on you from behind you better put your fuckin foot on the accelerator and slam on it like your buddy’s face after an all night coke binge at a dank club where choice words were spoken, misunderstood and acted upon. If not, you may find yourself getting a thumbs down, middle finger or, worst-case scenario, a rear-end collision that the insurance you don’t have won’t cover. Hasta Siempre mis amigos Latinos.
DID YOU KNOW? MRB isn’t racist, he just has a large poster with a list of cultural archetypes and subscribes to the scantly known publication Sterotype Monthly!
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on Sunday, January 11th, 2009 at 12:57 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.
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January 11th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Dude triumphant return. man I was cracking the fukup, I remember that time I was reading ur blog during class and busted a muffled sinus burst, which turned all eyes on me. It was a semminar class about religious tolerance, only ten of us and the proffessor. Everyonenoticed