Okay, I’ve been away for a long time, but like that thing on your junk you thought was just a rash, I’m back. Feels good to be back guys. I have been down and out for too long. Onto it then:

My dear, dear constituency, I come to you with dire, hopeless, wonderful news. I have decided today, Sunday January 31, 2010, that I will embrace American hegemony and the creation of a world that shares the ideals of predatory capitalism, representative government, free trade and above all…Democracy. I have decided that what we have in America today is worth fighting for and that ideals that collide with our Judeo-Christian-Capitalist-consumption-based-Representative-Democratic ideals must be met with great force, violence and fervent determination.

We need to accept that a diverse humanity is a dangerous humanity and that a humanity chasing the almighty dollar and truly “democratic” elections can be a great asset to this country. If the rest of the world is to utilize resources with our polished efficiency then they’ll be able to have a chicken in every pot and a TV in every living room. It will no longer be the burden of the people’s of the world to worry about what their government is doing because the representatives they all “elected” will be taking good care of everything, besides in this New World Order the demands of the masses will fall on deaf, but somehow simultaneously receptive ears who will take into consideration everything that was said and do, ultimately, what they feel is best for the country in spite of it.

Free trade will ensure that none of the well-meaning, but backward countries attempt to nationalize their businesses, hire local or impose protective tariffs. U.S. corporate interests will be free to do business wherever they like. They have rights as business owners that must be protected! It seems like they’re always coming under fire from some group of whiny, low-wage workers just outraged that their corporate employer decided to cut costs and increase profits. What better way than doing away with your jobs people??

Corporate lobbyists will actively lobby for, as they do in the great USA, laws in these new Judeo-cap-con-based-rep-democracy occupied nation states in the very best interests of the people and their bottoms lines (I don’t know about you but I was JONES’N for a Big Mac on my last trip to Antigua…the food was so…different. BLEH).

Anyway the point I’m trying to get across is let’s all stop doing the very, very little fighting we were doing before and embrace a new world. Hear that Muff Marxist and Labia Liberal? Dick Democracy is about to pound that ass.

DID YOU KNOW? I meant none of that. Really…did you know? Cause c’mon Constituency…c’mon.